she knows

she saw me crying at night.
i was face-down and choking
on my tears,
ready to give it all away.

the blood filled my ears and i
was deaf to all the pleas.
and i couldnt see past the
pillowcase that filled my face.

she saw me screaming into the night.
i screamed till the air left me and
my strength was in a heap
on the cold november ground.

my knees gave way and
my head rolled away.
i couldnt feel my face
but i was alone in life.

she saw me drowning into the waves.
a head rolled up and down
a buoy of life, covered in salt,
once more she saw it.

and i held my breath until my eyes
opened. and my arms were limp,
legs at the ocean's whim.
and this is how i loved her.