cloudy

My alarm's ring cuts me awake.
I can't see anything but I don't want to open my eyes.

I throw on a pair of sweatpants and sandals. I go into

the kitchen and grab the picnic basket i packed for us last night--fruit, o.j., bagels and cream cheese
and lemon poppy seed muffins (one for me and one for you).

I put the car into gear slowly-i dont want to rush it, i know it's just as tired as i am.
I don't drive there--rather, i float, making some turns here and there, i dont really know what is going on, that's ok--i didnt play any music like i normally do.
You are already waiting for me in your car when i pull into the parking lot-
hooded with your hands between your legs, trying to keep warm.
I look over at you and you are pulling blankets from the passenger seat into your arms.

we both shuffle to the boardwalk quietly after i kiss your nose 'good morning'
we lay the blankets in the chilled night-sand--it feels like it is a liquid filling in around our feet.

the sun begins to stretch all of its arms into the horizon--spreading its reds and purples and yellows over the ocean.
i pour us glasses of orange juice and you peel a muffin--taking the top, (nothing has changed)
except this time--
you put your arm around me.
and held me.
and kissed me.

i wish i could write love songs.